That Was January

One Is Not Amused

Our poor old Queen awoke looking forward to her Jubilee celebrations this year only to have her day disrupted as a body was found in the grounds of Sandringham. Her day got even worse when it was then announced The Spice Girls will play at her party.

Destiny’s Child

It sent Twitter into overdrive as the bottom smacking Beyonce Knowles and hip hop star Jay Z had their first baby. Named ‘Blue Ivy Carter’ because lets face it when you’re global superstars you cant just call your baby a sensible name. Anyway it will be nice seeing Jay Z buying diamond encrusted Calpol from his local Boots. And Huggies.

Self Service

The Anthony Worrall Thompson (or T.A.W.T for short) decided it was a good idea to go to the self service checkout at a famous supermarket and steal some cheese, then use his culinary skills to cook up a story that he needed ‘help’. I somehow don’t think they will have you endorsing their products or appearing on any campaigns in the near future. Sorry Wozzer.

Battery Power

New E.U regulations changed the rules on battery farming from January 1st, and the last chicken nugget released from her prison in Devon was aptly named ‘Liberty’. Now she can sit on a hillside watching the McDonalds lorries going past on the nearby motorway counting her blessings. Cluck.

Price Match

Comet and Currys saw profits drop in the New Year. This is partly because they have very large stores which sell lots of products that make it easy to go online and find what they are selling even cheaper.

Bonus Balls

The boss of the bank RBS got a bonus of £965,000 to add to his salary of £1.2 million. i know money cant buy happiness, but i’m sure it can buy a better degree of misery. Anyway due to public outcry he’s given it back. I know bankers are the most hated people on the planet now, but I cant help thinking when they were lending ‘willy nilly’ a lot of people were happy to lend, invest and make fortunes on the back of it.

On The Rocks

Bit of advice to Costa Concordia captain Francesco Shettino. If you want to show off best if you don’t risk four thousand peoples lives and your company vessel worth millions. And there was only 700 people on the island of Giglio, and i bet they weren’t all watching anyway. If this chap gets another job in the maritime industry it will be scraping the barnacles of the bottom of trawlers.

Too Good To Hurry

Tennis – Australian Open. Andy Murray was so near again. If he ever wins he will be British, but seeing as he lost he gets bad press for being Scottish.

Oh Balearics!

On the 27th of January the troubled Spanish airline with the rather thoughtless name Spanair finally parked up and filed for bankruptcy. It was the second most favoured method of getting around Spain after a white E-Class Mercedes with beaded seat covers.