I have just been given a property to let by a despondent landlord. Whilst I appreciate most people love their homes even if they only rent them, this is an insight into the reality of what some tenants class as ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’.
Please note, this is ONE property, vacated within the last 48 hours, NOT perviously managed by Burnsey.
What’s that I hear? ”Its fair wear and tear!” ”I demand my bond back!”
Well, let’s look at the evidence…
Beige carpets are not recommended in the rental property…
A hardy washable vinyl repels dirt and scuffs much better…
Decor or murder scene?…
Whilst painting, remember to personalise, at all costs. This cost obviously means lots of coats of paint to eradicate the red walls…
And when you’ve painted over the red, start on the blue…
Yeah! Drawing board! Can I paint a picture mummy? Of course you can sugar lump…
Tenants treat the outside just as importantly as the interior. Always tend to the lawn. (That’s the green stuff that grows in the garden)…
Get some bricks and blocks from work. They won’t miss ‘em. Build a lovely family barbeque. Where’s Mum? She’s gone to Iceland for the chicken thighs…
The front lawn is always best for that bonfire. It impresses the neighbours. Treacle toffee anyone…
Always practice your DIY. Get some clips. Lots of clips. Clip wires. Just clip, clip, clip…
Jeremy Kyle is best viewed on a 50″ plasma bolted to the wall. Don’t bother filling the walls after. Its far too much like hard work…
Satan the pitbull will not get out again love, I’ve sorted it…
Storage is always at a premium. I suggest hooks in the ceiling. Don’t forget to try several places before finding a good fix…
Spongebob must be beamed to every room in the home. So don’t forget to smash holes, fit adaptors and run leads throughout to ensure uninterrupted viewing…
The pedigree American fighting dog will also join in the wrecking fun. I think it has even eaten the handle…
Well. It got all draughty when all the bills started coming. There’s a way to stop both…
That trailer your grandad made just don’t look right hooked on the back of the VXR. We never used the hose either. Not to worry hide it under the Christmas tree, no one will notice…
If you are unsure what to do with anything, simply throw it in the back yard. Your landlord will be more than happy to remove it for you with no cost to yourselves…
Be nice and always try to leave your landlord some paint for ‘touching-up’. By the time the tenant has moved on fashions will have changed anyway…
“Of course my landlord will give me a cracking reference”
So, the lessons only ever seem to be learnt once the damage has been done.
Choosing the right tenant is the most important factor with any rental property. How many times have I heard “But they were lovely”. They will have been, they wanted your house.
We take care to choose the right tenant. So should you.
